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Hello Plus! I hope you all have some fun and/or relaxing plans for the long weekend. I’m heading out to Rockaway Beach today—one of my summer regrets was that I hadn’t been to the beach all season!—so today’s suggested read, about sharks in New York, is on point. In this reported essay, “The Summer Everyone Saw Sharks,” writer Russell Jacobs, who lives in the Rockaways himself, contemplates what exactly the increasing number of shark encounters and sightings along the east coast means. It’s all more complicated than you might think; it’s good, environmentally-speaking, that sharks are back. It’s bad because, well, swimming with sharks is not recommended, even if their threat is small and overblown. In the end, Jacobs writes, “The process of learning to live with sharks might turn out to be more psychological than practical: The paradox is that we take sharks both too seriously and not seriously enough at the same time.” It’s well worth your time to set out with Jacobs to explore the near seas, and contemplate these too-maligned creatures, and their place in our world. *** Another suggestion (especially for sports fans): a new book, The Hot Seat: A Year of Outrage, Pride, and Occasional Games of College Football, by our own Ben Mathis-Lilley. You likely know Ben from his quippy, often hilarious takes on news and politics. But he’s also a sports guy, and his book explores the nature of fandom, college football, the career of Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh and more. Check it out! You can hear Ben on Hang Up and Listen, too! *** And now, for this week’s Q&A: I reached out to Jenée Desmond-Harris, aka Prudie, to catch up and ask for some advice myself. Jenée, you recently returned from parental leave (we missed you!). Is there anything different about Prudie and her approach now that she’s a mom? Before my son was born, I had respect for parents, but I didn’t understand the intensity of the experience of having a child. Now I find myself thinking about how I can’t believe people with kids have just been casually moving through life, going to work, talking about other stuff and acting like everything is normal, with all this overwhelming joy and heartbreaking anxiety going on at the same time! I’m barely out of the fourth trimester so I’m sure I’ll settle down about this at some point. But I really do have a new appreciation for the way parents are able to balance everything else they have going on—not just in terms of time day-to-day tasks, but emotionally as well. Both my judgment and my compassion for people in parenting-related dilemmas have intensified. Even more than before, my blood boils thinking about parents making their kids miserable over things like being fat or trans or not pursuing the right career. My pre-baby feeling was “Get over it. It’s not your business. Who cares?” Now it’s more like disbelief: “Why do you want to be the source of unhappiness for your child? How??” At the same time I feel completely shattered for parents who are alienated from their kids and yearn for closer relationships, even if the distance is a consequence of missteps they’ve made in the past. When I put myself in their shoes, it feels unbearable. Finally, I feel even more strongly that people who know they want to become parents should stop at nothing (Find a new spouse! Spend all the money!) to make that happen. People who don’t should stand their ground and absolutely refuse to be pressured. And people who are on the fence should lean toward going for it. Speaking of parenting….I need your advice. I keep overcommitting my 10-year-old daughter to playdates and activities. When I suggest things, she says she wants to do them, and then I make the plans. But when the event finally arrives, she resists. My problem is that I tell white lies (“Oh, sorry, I forgot about her doctor’s appointment!”) to get her out of things. First, how bad a person am I? And two, would I be better off just saying, “Sorry, but my kid changed her mind and doesn’t want to play with your kid today.” Help! I can’t stop telling little lies! Okay, Hillary, I may have a lot of feelings about being a mom, but I didn’t claim to be a parenting expert! I have limited experience and my main words of wisdom at this point are “If your baby has a big head, put the onesie on from the bottom not the top” and “Try burping him.” So make sure to clear this advice with Care and Feeding. You are not a terrible person, but the white lies sound stressful. I would say 10 is a good age to learn, “If we commit to playing with someone we’re going to do it unless you’re sick, because they’ve planned their day around it and it’s unkind to leave them disappointed.” Easy for me to say because I’m not the one who has to drag a grumpy kid to have forced fun! So alternatively, why don’t you respond to invitations with “You know, as she gets used to the new school year I’m finding it’s hard to predict when she’ll have the energy for a hangout and when she’ll be exhausted. Let’s plan something spontaneously so we won’t risk flaking out.” And then just send a text when you’re in the neighborhood or whatever. Last one. Prudie lovers need to know: is there one genre of question you absolutely LOVE to answer? Tell us why! I love it when there’s a question about a romantic relationship that has an answer other than “Try couple’s therapy” or “Break up.” It’s refreshing because it doesn’t happen often. *** Thank you as always for your membership, and enjoy this delightful piece by comedian and writer Josh Gondelman, in which he attempts to take a vacation in Mark Zuckerberg’s Metaverse. —Hillary Follow Us
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